By Andrew Clavan
September 5, 2019
-The Daily Wire
The New York Times, a former newspaper, has announced a new editorial policy designed to deal with the "special problems and challenges of covering Donald Trump when we hate him so much he makes our scalps break out in hives."
Times Editor-in-Chief Blithering Prevarication the Third said he designed the new policy in response to reader insights and staff suggestions in the hopes that this would convince the readers and staff to return their hostages unharmed. Mr. Third made the announcement at a hastily called town hall staff meeting when he placed the policy inside a soda bottle full of gasoline, set it on fire, and then hurled it into the midst of swirling tear gas, then ran for his life.
According to Mr. Third the new policy will address the fact that covering the news in the Trump era presents a dilemma because "On the one hand, we have a journalistic responsibility to try to get at the truth of every story while on the other hand there is absolutely no possibility that we're going to do anything like that."